3 Ways to Handle The Discomfort of Staying Put


by Jessica Leigh Lyons
Holy movement. Almost everyone in my life has new relationships blooming, business propositions opening, or are literally uprooting their lives fortending-to-the-flower-garden-lorella-schoales grad school. Some are straight up choosing adventure and heading for the hills. *JEALOUS*

I get it. Sunshine makes me a little wild. I have a desire to hop in the car, roll down the windows with the tunes blaring, and head off on the open road.

But I planted a (metaphorical) garden in the last two years and this time, I’m cultivating it. That takes staying + tending to it while others are leaving.

I’m uncomfortable as hell.

For ten years, I did the leaving. I couldn’t wait to tell people I was moving. In fact in ten years, I have packed up and moved my belongings over 15 times.

I thought I loved moving. Pack it up. Do a good cleanse. Say a prayer, and adios! On to the next one.

What I loved was SAYING “I’m moving”, because I was JEALOUS when anyone else said it.

“LEAVING? No, you couldn’t be leaving, me, the town, the experience.” Staying in one place too long felt like being up early on a Saturday to weed in the garden, crouched uncomfortably low to the ground, getting dirty, trying to keep the slugs from eating all your beautiful kale leaves. Gardening made me uncomfortable and it was uninspiring.

Bag it all, start again was a fairly common mantra. Sowing seeds is easy. Sticking around to help them flourish… that’s work.

When I landed in DC, I found a community (read: group house) of like-minded hippy dippy, fire-pit stoking, occasional pirate song singing, people who were also killin’ it DC style. These type As have founded organizations and still might be found climbing trees to hoist up a tree swing. My people.

Two of them recently informed the rest of us that they are moving on this summer; new opportunities, grad school, yada yada (note: these are big things and I’m very excited to celebrate).

My reaction was “No way. Me first.”

For one second.

Then, I sat with that discomfort, the discomfort that feels like “crouched low + working in the garden.” I noticed that I still have a desire for big movement, for selling the farm and heading out to the California coast. But all of those seeds that I’m planting: with my business, with friends and family, and relationships, tell me that I’m not ready to leave this garden.

If you’re someone who is watching big moves happen around you, whether creatively or otherwise, I want to share a couple of perspective shifts that help me be with the discomfort of staying:

  1. Choosing to see the possibility

Instead of having a hole in my house where two lovely people used to be, we have an opportunity to bring in two more amazing individuals.

  1. Focus on how I want to feel as we transition.

How do I want to feel as this cycle comes to a close? How can I embody that in my body? In my house? In my activities?

  1. Gratitude

What am I grateful for here? How can I create more of that in my life?

P.S. If you’re a creative type AND a magical gardener, we need you. I’m not an A++ gardener unless we’re speaking in metaphor, but I will can the sh*t outta your tomatoes. So let’s connect, darling. I’m on Facebook, Twitter-ish, and Instagram.

Jessica Leigh Lyons is a life coach who works with women to help them create a life of joy. She is also a Desire Map facilitator helping women (and some awesome dudes) discover their Core Desired Feelings. Find out more at www.jessicaleighlyons.com

 

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